circles and triangles

It was 7:30 PM. I was on the third floor of AS making my way down so I could go home. The place was dark and deserted. There was not one single soul on the hallways and all the rooms were dark because the light in the rooms were off. As I walked through the halls and passed by the rooms, I am feeling scared and at the same time, heart-breaking. There was this instant feeling of sadness crawling over me knowing that I’m alone with no one to hold my hand and scare me while walking in this empty space. My heart pounded as I take each step down the staircase. It was creepy but my emotions were more concentrated on the emptiness that I am feeling. How long do I have to endure this? And how many times do I have to walk along hallways alone hoping somebody would lightly pull my hair and when I turn around, there is that one person smiling at me. The rain was gently pouring at that time. My favorite kind of rain: that light drizzle that gently touches my face. It was what I’ve been waiting for all along. The street lights outside glowed perfectly under the rain. Sadly, everything around me was so perfect, except me. Do not get me wrong, I still do not believe in what people call "love". I never did. It’s just that earlier this day, we had an activity wherein we were given 10 000 pesos to bid for the values that we like, I fought so hard just so I could get the value that I really like, "happiness". And now it just dawned on me the reason behind all of this. I have always searched for happiness ever since, my high school friends can attest to this. I would never find happiness alone, it is always with someone, or some people but never alone.

I rode a jeepney out of the campus. Lights glowed to light my way, and in one moment, they flickered and were gone. All was dark.

Title: Only Reminds Me Of You
Album:
Artist: M.Y.M.P.

I see you, beside me
It’s only a dream
A vision of what used to be
The laughter, the sorrow
Pictures in time
Fading to memory

How could I ever let you go
Is it too late to let you know

Chorus:
I tried to run from your side
But each place I hide
It only reminds me of you
When i turn out all the lights
Even the night
It only reminds me of you

I needed my freedom
That’s what I thought
But I was a fool to believe
My heart breaks while you cried
Rivers of tears
But I was too blind to see

Everything we’ve been through before
Now it means so much more, yeah

[repeat Chorus]

Only you

Please come back to me
I’m down on my knees
Oh can’t you see

How could I ever let you go
Is it too late to let you know

[repeat Chorus]

Minsan naisip ko ano kaya kung iba ang course ko. Natawa ako sa sarili kong sagot. Sabi ko kasi sa sarili ko, kung iba ang course ko, malamang nagshi-shift na rin ako ngayon. Saan? Hindi ko alam. Paano nga kaya kung iba ang course ko? Kaya ko kayang matagalan ang course na yun (kung ano man siya)?

Minsan naisip ko, kung iba ang course ko, malamang hindi ko nakilala ang barkada ko ngayon. Kung papalarin man, baka naging classmate ko lang sila sa isang subject o nakatabi sa jeep o sa linya at itatanong ko sa kanila, “anong course mo?”. Malamang maguluhan ako sa isasagot nila at may follow-up question akong “ano yung ginagawa ng course mo?” malamang din na kahit maging classmate ko man sila, baka hindi ko naman sila maging close.

Minsan naiisip ko, pano nga kaya kung iba ang course ko at di ko naging close ang mga mare ko. Kung san man akong course napunta at nagkaroon ako ng kaibigan, baka ang tawag ko sa kanila ‘friend’, ‘hoy’, ‘superfriends’, o ‘barkada’. Baka bumuo rin kami ng kunwariang pamilya at meron akong mommy, ate, anak, at lola sa mga kaibigan ko, pero sa tingin ko, walang ‘mare’. Walang kumare na pag pumasok ako ng classroom namin at sumigaw ng “MARE!!!” ay walang ilang mga mukha na lilingon sa kin at magtuturuan kung sinong ‘mare’ na ang bainabanggit ko sa kanila. Wala sigurong mga mare na mula freshman ay kaibigan ko na at ilang beses ko na ring nakasabay kumain, mag-enroll, kumuha ng klase, classcards at readings. Wala rin sigurong mga mare na lagi kong groupmates at kasama kong mag-field trip.

Minsan naisip ko, pano kung naligaw nga ako ng kurso, makikilala ko pa kaya ang batchmates kong lagi akong binabati ng may ngiti sa labi at madadaling kausapin. Makikilala ko pa kaya yung mga taong kahit hindi ko laging kasama, pag nakita ko ay kaya kong makipagkwentuhan ng ilang oras na hindi man lamang nabo-bore. Yung mga taong kaibigan din ang tingin sa’yo, tulad ng tingin mo sa kanila, iba-iba man kayo ng taong madalas kasama.

Makikilala ko rin kaya ang mga propesor ko na nakakatakot, nakakatuwa, nakakakilig, at talaga nga namang nakakamangha kapag nagsalita tungkol sa topic namin sa klase. Makikilala ko rin kaya ang mga org mates ko na makukulit at masasayang kasama na parang hindi rin ako kaiba sa kanila. Hindi ko rin siguro makikita at makikilala ang mga crush at naging crush ko sa kolehiyong ito. Hindi ko man lang siguro sila makakakwentuhan at hindi ko siguro sila mangingitian sa tuwing nakikita ko sila. Mapupuntahan ko kaya ang gusaling kinatatayuan ng kolehiyo namin kung naging iba ang kurso ko. Malalaman ko kaya na ang reserved section ng library namin ay nasa ikalawang palapag at sa 2^nd floor din lang ng library makikita photocopy machine.

Minsan naiisip ko kung ano nga kaya ang nangyari kung sa ibang kurso ako napunta. Maisip ko man ang lahat ng possibilities, alam ko nandito na ako. Kung babalikan ko man siguro ang panahon na naga-apply palang ako noon sa paaralang pinapasukan ko ngayon, hindi ko siguro lubos maisip kung bakit ko pipiliin ang kurso ko ngayon (hindi ko naman talaga yun pinili). Hindi ko man lamang siguro madadaanan ng tingin ang kursong ito. Siguro nga hindi ko buong desisyon ang pagpili at pagpasok sa kursong ito. Pero alam ko buong desisyon ko ang tapusin ang kursong ito, may career man ako o wala matapos nito.

Minsan naiisip ko, ano nga kaya ang buhay ko kung iba ang naging course ko…

senior life.. recall ur senior
highschool life and answer the questions

1. ano tawag sayo sa classroom?
> annie, annielyn, judy abbott

2. year and section mo?
> IV-curie.. (dilaw sa taas!)

3. sino unang teacher na pumapasok sa
classroom niyo?
> si sir van zandt.. adviser namin nun eh..

4. sino pinakamaingay sa classroom
niyo?
> madami kaming maingay…

5. sino ang pinakatahimik?
> si grace at precy.. ahehehe!

6. sino ang palaging gumagawa ng mga
assignments?
> sila mutya, grace, precy, conrado..

7. sino naman ang palaging walang
assignment?
> ako

8. sino ang teacher na palaging
nagagalit sa inyo?
> sino ba? si mam abasta din ata..

9. sino ang palaging kumakain pag class
hours?
> wala naman masyado.. saka lagi kaming kumakain pag walang klase.

10. sino pinaka good girl sa class
niyo?
> all of the girls are good

11. sino pinakamatalino?
> sa class? xempre si greys

12. sino ang "teacher’s pet" sa class
niyo?
> ahmm.. no comment.

13. sino ang mahilig mag volunteer?
> si richard at gil! hehehe!

14. magaling kumanta sa class niyo?
> ung glee club, sila michelle, angel, richard

15. sino naman pinakamagaling sumayaw?
> sila emyle, mona, kuch

16. sino ang mahilig magpatawa sa class
niyo?
> si richard…

17. sino madalas pinapagalitan sa class
niyo?
> ung guys na makukulit (hehehe! bilang walo na nga lang sila sa klase eh!)

18. sino hearthrob sa class niyo?
> ung mga girls! ahehehe!

19. sino pinakaepal sa class niyo?
> wala naman..

20. sino pinakamabait?
> lahat mabait..

21. sino pinakaclose mo sa class?
> ung meow meow angels at astro cigarette singers!

22. sino laging lumilipat ng upuan?
> si emyle! ahahah!

23. sino nakaupo sa pinakalikod ng
classroom?
> depende un eh!

24. sino naman nakaupo sa harap?
> sila richard, lorman

25. sino seatmate mo?
> depende, pero pag walang seating arrangement, sila patri, jen, at iba pang meow meow at ilang astro people..

26. ilan lockers sa classroom niyo?
> walo! share-share un noh!!

27. ano locker no. mo?
> basta andun ata ako sa 2nd sa baba…

28. ilan drawer ng teacher’s table
> isa lang yata…

29. sino mahilig magbura ng blackboard?
> wala! ung teacher!

30. sino class president niyo?
> si gil…

31. anong position mo?
> wala..

32. sino pinaka astig pumorma sa class
niyo?
> si emyle at richard

33. sino pinakamahilig maglambingan sa
klase?
> malambing kaming lahat!!!

34. sino pinaka artistic sa class niyo?
> si mutya.. magaling magdrowing

35. sinong teacher ang may favorite sa
class niyo?
> ahehehe! madami! adyan si dr. morong, si ms. A., si sir efren (ahehehe!!) jowk!

36. favorite class pastime?
> magkwentuhan, kumain sa canteen, kumanta, maghabulan..

37. sino palagi mong kadaldalan?
> madami!

38. sino kasabay mo pag breaktime?
> meow meow including chino at jho..

39. masaya ka ba sa kanila?
> masaya ako sa klase!!

40. sino ang crush mo sa classroom?
> ahehehe! walo lang ang guys dun noh!

41. sino ang bestfriends mo sa
classroom?
> si pa3, jen, vane..

41. sino lagi mong kaaway?
> ka kulitan lang…

42. cno magkakaluvteam sa classroom
nyo?
> wla… kasi nasa kabilang roon ang mga kaloveteam nila…

naiinis ako sayo!!!

sinisira mo ang paniniwala ko!

ang tagal bago ko tuluyang pinaniwalaan ang bagay na yun,

akala ko okey na, mabubuhay na ako ng matagal…

pero sa isang iglap, ginulo mo ang lahat!

bad trip…

galit ako sa’yo! :’(

a poem that i made decades ago… my sister accidentally found it today…

bizarre

Here in a darkened room, silently I lay

Thinking of the mem’ries that went astray

When can I finally forget the past?

When all you do is haunt me until dusk

Here in a darkened room, silently I cry

Kept thinking of why you have to lie

You promised that you would not be leaving,

But you walked out without hesitating.

Here in a darkened room, i’m trapped inside,

Unable to move, unable to glide.

The thoughts of you had bound me like a chain

So tight that it gives unbearable pain.

Here in a darkened room, gravely, I wish

I hope I can forget you as I please,

So the rope bound to me, will cut loose as I pray,

So I could leave this dark room and see the day.

When can I finally let go of you?

When you’re the only one this heart yearns to

When can I finally let go of you?

If I long to see the new day with you.

===================================================

"dog prince…"

"and the princess…" (^_^)

am going to school tomorrow as a hardworking and focused student (oh well, i just made up the whole hardworking and focused thing but is really hoping that i can become really hardworking and focused someday..)

anyway, some songs keep running around my head these days, and am really hoping that for the next weeks these songs will be replaced by the topics that i will be learning in school so that i can master the things that i will get to learn… (^_^)

here’s MUST GET OUT by MAROON 5…

"Must Get Out"

I’ve been the needle and the thread
Weaving figure eights and circles round your head
I try to laugh but cry instead
Patiently wait to hear the words you’ve never said

Fumbling through your dresser drawer forgot what I was looking for
Try to guide me in the right direction
Making use of all this time
Keeping everything inside
Close my eyes and listen to you cry

[Chorus:]
I’m lifting you up
I’m letting you down
I’m dancing til dawn
I’m fooling around
I’m not giving up
I’m making your love
This city’s made us crazy and we must get out

This is not goodbye she said
It is just time for me to rest my head
She does not walk she runs instead
Down these jagged streets and into my bed

When I was
Fumbling through your dresser drawer forgot what I was looking for
Try to guide me in the right direction
Making use of all this time
Keeping everything inside
Close my eyes and listen to you cry

[Chorus]

There’s only so much I can do for you
After all of the things you put me through

[Chorus x2]

I’m not giving up
I’m making your love
This city’s made us crazy and we must get out

PASAWAY!!

ano nang nangyari sa account ko!

una, my profile has a mind of its own! nung nag-view ako ng profile ko last week, yung location ko was changed to some other place. my cousin said nag web check or something lang ang website.

second, nawala ang lahat ng friends ko for 3 days! kung kelangan kong mag-PM sa friends ko regarding impt matters dun naman nawala.

pangatlo, bumalik sa dati niyang itsura ang profile ko at the same time na nawala ang friends ko.. bumalik sa dating itsura in a sense na ung character pa rin sa ice age ang wall paper ko.

fourth, nawala ang blog ko kahapon.. ngayon lang bumalik! ay naku blog!! san ka ba kasi nagpupunta! ba’t ka namamasyal!!

and panglima, kung kelan akala ko eh ok na ang lahat.. nawawala naman ngayon ang "about me" info sa profile ko..

ay naku… now, i really think friendster doesn’t feel me..

i’ve always enjoyed the end of classes. Who wouldn’t want to finally take some time off after the sleepless nights of studying and cramming. But this summer, it was different. I even thought that i would hate this summer because im attending summer classes, but i actually had loads of fun and made lots of friends.

This summer, I took psycholgy 150 (as elective) and geography 1.. psych 150 was, in a way, fun.. we had different activities like ‘going into the unconscious’ by using a small crystal ball with a rope on the end, dream analysis, thematic perception test, and a whole lot others. but the most imprtant thing that i learned would have to be ‘living in the moment’. Just live in the present, enjoy life as it unravels its mysteries to you, appreciate the little things that come in your way so you wont have to regret anything. the thought actually made me feel good. the words of wisdom of my prof actually helped me deal with my own fears about the future. it’ not everyday that i encounter some guiding words as that.

my geography 1 class was really awesome. my prof taught the lessons with the unusual spark that allowed us to really appreciate the knowlegde she tries to impart on us. i think all of us enjoyed the class.

my geog 1 groupmates was also very cool! we named our group "a7d", the short term for ‘arni and the seven dwarves’. we had loads of fun as a group. we had this final presentation wherein we shot a mini film about gay spaces and languages and the guys in our group posed for gays. My girl groupmates really appreciated it a lot because we didn’t find it hard to convince them and they were really cooperative.. anyway, we really bonded as a group and they are really fun to be with. it is very rare to find that sort of bond in a group considering we are all very diverse and we just met like a few weeks ago..

at the last day of classes, pat gave each of the group a bookmark which she made with the "a7d" logo in it. At the back was a simple personalized message. I, personally, appreciate it so much. I think it’s not only me who felt the closeness that we had as a group. kaycee also sent messages to each one of us through text. and when the class was finally over, our group were the last ones to leave the room, we stayed together until we reached the lobby, and still, we were the last ones to go on separate ways.

anyways, i just wanted them to know, i enjoyed the summer because i met all of them! (hehehe!)

———————————————–

"Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." –from The Catcher In The Rye

———————————————–

p.s., a7d groupmates:

ung pics naten na-upload ko na sa multiply ko.. alam nio na naman yung account ko dun, puntahan nio na lang.. ung video, hindi kayang i-upload sa multiply, try ko sa youtube (sikat! makikita ang fez nio dun!) tapos sabihin ko nalang sa inyo ung url .. keri ba yun?

etchos!!